Birbal and Tansen

Tansen was a high-ranking official in King Akbar's court. However, he had one longstanding wish - to suck the queen's voluptuous breasts to his heart's desire. Every time he passed the queen, he would get frustrated. He revealed his desire to Birbal one day, and begged him to do something about it.

Birbal, after much thought, agreed on the condition that Tansen could suck the breasts to his desire but later he would have to pay Birbal 1000 gold coins for it. Tansen agreed.

The next day Birbal prepared a high voltage itching lotion and poured it into the queen's bra while she was taking a bath. Soon the itching started and grew in intensity much to the king's anxiety. Consultations with doctors and Birbal revealed that a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure it. Birbal also added that such a saliva was only in Tansen's mouth.

Akbar summoned Tansen and for the next 4 hours, Tansen violently sucked the queen's breasts. Licking, biting, pressing, playing he got what he always desired. Satisfied, he returned and met Birbal, but since his mission was over, he refused to pay Birbal anything and in fact, shooed him away.

Tansen of course knew that Birbal could never report this matter to the emperor since he was instrumental in it himself. What Tansen did not know was what Birbal would do the next day...

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Birbal duly put that lotion in Emperor Akbar's underwear!

0 To 200 In Under 6 Seconds

Bob’s wife was pissed at him because he forgot the most important day of the year – their wedding anniversary. Just before they went to sleep that night she yelled at him and said, “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!”

Early the next morning his wife woke up and when she looked outside at the driveway she saw a small box. She went outside and picked up the gift-wrapped package curious as to what it might be.

When she opened it she found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Peripheral Knowledge

2 Tough QuestionsQuestion

1:If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she hadsyphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.

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Question 2:It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts.Here are the facts about the three candidates. Who would you vote for?

Candidate A - Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologistHe's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B - He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium incollege and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C - He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be our choice?

Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Candidate B is Winston Churchill.

Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:

If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it?

Makes a person think before judging someone. Wait till you see the end of this note!

Keep reading..

Never be afraid to try something new.

Remember:

Amateurs...built the ark.

Professionals...built the Titanic

And Finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:

* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse

* 7 have been arrested for fraud

* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks

* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

* 3 have done time for assault

* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting

* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits

* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year...

Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up yet?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.The same group that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of world in line.

Men's Logic

A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case.

The Problem was who should get custody of the child.

The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor. The child Should be in my custody. "

The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to Say in your defense?"

The man sat for a while contemplating...then slowly rose. "Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out... Whose Pepsi is it... The machine's or mine?"

Best joke in Britan

A Chinese walks into a bar in america late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

( This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain )